Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Posts tagged ‘Relationship’

Depression and Marriage

depressionIf your spouse or loved one is suffering from and depression, apply these 11 vital tips to help your relationship survive and thrive.

The symptoms of depression can be easy to miss until you’re in the thick of things. With busy schedules and ongoing demands, important issues such as depression can go unrecognized until the day your sweetheart can’t get out of bed. If a battle with depression is affecting your marriage, take heart. You are surely not alone!

With this information in mind, it’s important to be able to recognize some of the more common signs of depression. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, signs of depression include difficulty concentrating, fatigue, insomnia, excessive sleeping, irritability, restlessness, overeating, appetite loss, body aches and pains, loss of interest in pleasurable activities (including sex), persistent sadness or anxiousness, and suicidal thoughts.

It is no secret that psychological issues such as depression affect the way an individual thinks, feels, behaves, and functions on a day-to-day basis. Individuals struggling with depression often feel incredibly exhausted, overwhelmed, and lacking in control over daily life issues. Those suffering from these disorders often find that every area of life is impacted. A person’s home life, work environment, romantic relationships, and social engagements, are all affected by psychological health. As well, general physical health is assuredly connected to psychological well-being. By becoming aware of the telltale signs of depression, you’ve take the first step toward greater wellness for you and your family. Although it can be frightening at first to reach out to others for support, an abundance of resources (hospitals, support groups, psychotherapists, and community members) are but a phone call away!

When your husband or wife is struggling with depression, it can feel as though a dark, heavy weight has been placed on your shoulders. It is easy to feel helpless and confused when your spouse is suffering from a psychological issue that is resistant to treatment or seems untreatable. (Source: Dr. Carla Marie Greco)

Watch for next weeks post for tips on how to help with depression in your marriage.

Book of The Month

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know

Strong Fathers, Strong DaughtersIn today’s increasingly complicated world, it’s often difficult for parents to connect with their daughters-and especially so for fathers. In this unique and invaluable guide, Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician with more than twenty years’ experience counseling girls, reveals that a young woman’s relationship with her father is far more important than we’ve ever realized. To become a strong, confident woman, a daughter needs her father’s attention, protection, courage, and wisdom. Dr. Meeker shares the ten secrets every father needs to know in order to strengthen or rebuild bonds with his daughter and shape her life-and his own-for the better. Inside you’ll discover:

* the essential virtues of strong fathers-and how to develop them

* the cues daughters take from their dads on everything from self-respect to drugs, alcohol, and sex

* the truth about ground rules (girls do want them, despite their protests)

* the importance of becoming a hero to your daughter

* the biggest mistake a dad can make-and the ramifications

* the fact that girls actually depend on their dads’ guidance into adulthood

* steps fathers can follow to help daughters avoid disastrous decisions and mistakes

* ways in whicha father’s faith-or lack thereof-will influence his daughter

* essential communication strategies for different stages of a girl’s life

* true stories of “prodigal daughters”-and how their fathers helped to bring them back

Dads, you are far more powerful than you think-and if you follow Dr. Meeker’s advice, the rewards will be unmatched.

“Reassuring and challenging . . . a helpful road map for concerned fathers [that] tackles difficult issues.”

-National Review

“A touching, illuminating book that will prove valuable to all of us who are fortunate enough to have been blessed with daughters.”

-Michael Medved, nationally syndicated radio talk-show host, author of Right Turns

“Dr. Meeker’s conclusions are timely, relevant, and often deeply moving. No one interested in what girls experience growing up in our culture today-and the impact that parents, especially fathers, have on the experience-can afford to miss reading this book.”

-Armand M. Nicholi, Jr., M.D., professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

We Are All Guilty

Wake UpEveryday from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us. We accept the status quo for what it is because everyone around us does. We tip toe our way through life by doing things in order to please others, not because it’s what we believe in. Eventually our actions, appearances, and lives become moulded by how we think other people perceive us.

How are these pants going to make me look? What will my colleagues think if I spoke out? Are those people talking shit behind my back? If I take this job, what will my friends and family think of me? Living a life that follows the ideal notions of what other people think is a terrible way to live. It makes you become the spineless spectator who waits for other people to take action first. It makes you become a follower.

We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is those people are thinking the exact same thing. No one in today’s “smartphone crazed” society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us. The fact of the matter is, when we do have time get our thoughts straight, we’re too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings, not others.

A study done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have on average 50, 000 plus thoughts a day. This means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it’s only 0.02% of their overall daily thoughts.

“You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.”  David Foster Wallace

It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think of most things relating to “me” or “my.” This means that unless you have done something that directly affects another person or their life, they are not going to spend much time thinking about you at all.

Even when provided the blatantly obvious opportunity to judge someone, people are still thinking about how others may perceive them. Once you understand that this is how people’s mind works, it’s a big step towards freedom. You can’t please everyone. It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations. There will always be people no matter what we say or how we treat them, that will judge us. Whether you’re at the gym, at work, taking the train, or even online playing Call of Duty. Even now it’s happening. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you.

Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen when someone is judging you or what you’re doing. I guarantee that chances are, nothing will happen. Absolutely nothing. No one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because as I mentioned before, no one actually cares. What will happen, is that these people will actually respect you for claiming your ground. They may disagree with you, but they’ll respect you. Source: Sean Kim in Life Hacking

Check back next week for more on how to reclaim your freedom!

March Message

Hello Friends!

People Pleasers- that’s what this month’s message is all about. Aren’t we all people pleasers to some degree? Of course, some of that is good, relationships can thrive on two partners that are trying to please each other. But balance is the key- too much pleasing and we can start to feel resentful, overwhelmed and angry. If this sounds like you, then you will enjoy the musings on how to put your people pleasing personality to work for you, and not against you- (I especially like the idea of a “Growth List”).

Check back next week for how to put balance in your life!

February Message

Valentine Day HeartsOver 13 BILLION dollars- that’s what we spend annually on Valentine’s Day, according to The average consumer spends $116.21 on cards, flowers or candy. That’s a lot of dough!

This month we have some less expensive and more creative ideas on Valentine’s Day, whether you are alone, with a partner, or just happy with the status quo. The whole idea behind V Day is LOVE- and that means for everyone. So, go out and show your love by making anyone you want your Valentine- and have a great time doing it. Enjoy!

Cutting The Cord Continued. . .

Now…what do you do to cut these negative attachments with people who are draining your life force?

  • Make peace with any anger, conflict and resentment you have toward whoever in the present (or the past) has been a negative drain on your life. In doing so, realize that no one can take your energy without you allowing that to happen.
  • Some people suggest taking frequent baths to energetically  “cleanse” yourself.Tub  The feng shui behind the bath habit is that you will amp up your water element.  Water is the element of fresh starts, of emotional richness and revived motion.
  • I read about and tried this exercise and it is very cool: Visualize yourself on a bridge and the person who you need to but the negative attachment with is on the other side of the bridge.  Walk toward the person and picture them walking toward you.  Forgive them for everything that has gone wrong, apologize for anything you may have done and wish them well.  Then, you walk away.   It seems simple, but it really helped me to understand the ways in which I have become attached to people unwittingly.
  • You can also try this visualization:  Get super relaxed before bed and scan your body for spots along the center line of your body that feel stuck.  Concentrate on these areas and see if there are people and situations that spring to mind when you focus on each area.  Do you feel the ties that bind you to these people in a negative fashion? If so, imagine you have a scissor and can cut these chords.  This is a beautiful symbolic way to imagine the negative ways that people relate to one another melting away, rather than wishing people away from you.  Before you sleep, wish everyone well in your life.  I always do this before bed… sending positive thoughts out into the world.
  • Clear the old stuff out of your space that is loaded with tainted energy from people in your past who are no longer in your life who have brought you grief.  A friend wore a necklace given to him by a toxic ex-girlfriend for years, and when he moved to make a change in his life is was stolen off his neck.  You know, its much more pleasant to give this stuff to charity or recycle it!
  • Spend lots of time in nature and spend time every day – or at least every week- by yourself and unplugged from electronics.  This is a great way to strengthen your personal energy.

Its important that I reiterate that this post is not about witchcraft or magic- its about your psychological well-being and energetic (qi) life force and vitality.  That said, when you cut chords of negative attachment and work on strengthening positive attachments what happens can feel magical. Enjoy your power!

Source: Dana of

Thanksgiving & Blended Families Cont. . .

Families GamesPersonalities and Communication – In every extended family, there are bound to be personality quirks and mismatches that threaten to upset the Thanksgiving holiday extravaganza. Make things easy on yourself and try to smooth over any potential snags from the start. Include all of the blended family matters in the planning. Let everyone know the proposed schedule, menu and helping opportunities early on. Consider the extended family communication style for the best party planning approach. Plan by phone? In person? Via a family designed internet invitation? If not everyone cares to be involved in the planning or baking or decorating, ask them to help with cleanup or to coordinate kid activities or Thanksgiving music or simple flowers.

Sharing – Unless you are the Martha Stewart Thanksgiving catering type, welcome suggestions and helping hands gratefully!

Diversions for the Ages – If your blended extended family is even remotely like mine, you’ll want to be open to diversions to keep the crowd comfortable, relaxed and out of the busy Thanksgiving kitchen. Depending on family ages and interests, consider a TV room for sports or a kid video. Perhaps a table for cards, a jigsaw puzzle, or another board game? A quiet corner or room for reading or a quick nap? Not every relative is up for hours of blended family Thanksgiving mingling. Don’t push the issue. Keep the peace and go with the flow.

Inside and Out – If the weather cooperates, consider spreading out the blended family gathering to a three-season porch or encouraging a before or after dinner walk or outside activities for the kids.

Multiple Celebrations? – If bringing the entire blended family together for Thanksgiving seems to be an overwhelming feat destined for disaster, don’t push it. Have your own intimate family celebration and set aside another day, evening, or non-holiday weekend to catch up with the extended family. More isn’t always merrier.

RestaurantMake Reservations! – If blended traditions, preferences and varying menus seems too much of a challenge, consider inviting the blended family for a Thanksgiving outing at a nearby restaurant. Plan ahead and enjoy giving thanks to the restaurant staff for a relaxing Thanksgiving family gathering.

Source: Christine Tetreault, Yahoo Voice

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