Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Archive for the ‘Connection’ Category

Healthy Sex Life

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Want glowing skin, a thinner physique and a healthy heart? All of this (and more) can be yours when you practice a healthy sex life- read more here!

 

 

 

 

 

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Habits of Happy Couples Continued. . .

holding-hands#6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.

Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

 

#7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances

 

#8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel.

This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
#9. Do a “weather” check during the day

Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

#10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.

Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact – hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit…and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don’t despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.

If there was one key to happiness in love and life and possibly even success it would be to go into each conversation you have with this commandment to yourself front and foremost in your mind, “Just Listen” and be more interested than interesting, more fascinated than fascinating and more adoring than adorable.

The 10 Habits Of Happy Couples As Told By A Psychiatrist.

proud-coupleDr. Mark Goulston is psychiatrist, international speaker, and best selling author.   Regardless of the state of your relationship, Dr. Goulston provides some interesting insight on the 10 habits that will allow you and your loved one to keep the magic going:

#1. Go to bed at the same time.

Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

#2. Cultivate common interests.

After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

#3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.

Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

#4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.

If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

#5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.

If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

 

Check back next week for another FIVE tips on Habits of Happy Couples!

These 3 Questions Can Save Your Relationship Continued. . .

yummy in my tummy“What does money mean to you?”It may seem like a silly question, but can you answer it yourself? Money may seem like simple math – numbers divisible by the amount you earn versus the amount you spend – but what it represents to individuals is more intangible, mirroring their hopes and desires, fears and dreams.

“It’s possible for two people who grew up with similar household incomes to have vastly different attitudes towards money, depending on how their parents dealt with it, and whether they wish to emulate those practices or go in a completely different direction,” Justin Lavner, a clinical psychologist at UCLA, told NerdWallet.

Therapist Ulash Dunlap told NerdWallet most “conflicts emerge when you have two people with very different attitudes about money.” She says there are three common types of attitudes toward cash: 1) Those who view money as security – Worrying about the future, very focused on saving; 2) Those who view money as success and power – An enabler of social status; 3) Those who are very spontaneous in their spending decisions.

Financial adviser Richard Russo suggests this: Write out your personal money philosophy and share it with your partner. “The end result is a couple of sentences that spell out a sincere reflection of your ongoing relationship with money,” he writes in NerdWallet’s Advisor Voices.

Here are some examples that couples have shared:

  • “I’ve been afraid of debt for a long time and feel compelled to pay off debts quickly. My parents taught me to not dig a hole I can’t climb out of, and I’ve always been that way.”
  • “I always make sure to have money in an emergency fund. I always try to save at least 5% of my salary in my 401(k).”
  • “These statements don’t need to be pretty. They need to be real and reflect an inner study about finances.”

“I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”Some things may be better not to know about your pasts, but this is not one of them: What is your credit rating? Women tend to value high FICO credit rating scores more than men do-and are more likely to look askance at dates with less-than-stellar credit, according to a recent NerdWallet study.

There appears to be a generational divide when it comes to having the money talk. A NerdWallet survey of 544 never-married adults found that 13% of respondents ages 30 to 44 said they have never discussed money at all in their relationships. Yet 98% of people ages 25 to 29 said they have discussed money matters at some point in their relationship. A frank discussion of your individual financial situations – income, saving, debt and investments – will help insure the stability of your relationship moving forward, experts say, and improve the odds of strategically working together for a sound future together, rather than reactive blow-outs when money mishaps come to a head.

“What will be yours, mine and ours?”In a relationship, money can be about power, Lavner says. “Does making more money mean that you have a greater say in how to spend it? How can we be equal if you make all the decisions about money? But similarly, one could counter, how can we make joint decisions about money if you’re not contributing as much to the joint account?”

A spouse may not be contributing income, but being a primary caregiver affects the family’s bottom line. “The wife taking care of the kids may mean that the husband is able to take a kind of job he wouldn’t be able to without her doing full-time child care … (but) he feels like he has to bear the burden of sole support, which results in him spending even less time at home, which stresses the wife and their relationship further.”

How to divvy up the finances – what’s yours, mine and ours – can vary from couple-to-couple, and should depending on circumstances, experts say. What’s most important is that it’s transparent to both sides.

And a referee can help. “I advise pre-marital counseling for all couples. Open communication is very important, because your values don’t change. Being able to talk about what’s important to you, and using a therapist as a neutral 3rd party to mediate, can be very effective in getting simmering issues on the table,” Dunlap said. Source: Nerdwallet.com

These 3 Questions Can Save Your Relationship

show_you_mine_show_me_yours_2_750x420px_300xp-750x420What’s the greatest predictor that your relationship will go bust? It’s not problems in the bedroom, secret lovers or conflicts over raising your kids. If you want your relationship to survive, research suggests the key is knowing how to talk about cash.

“Arguments about money is by far the top predictor of divorce,” said Sonya Britt, program director of personal financial planning at Kansas State University. “It’s not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It’s money – for both men and women.”

She led a study of 4,500 households that showed that the more couples argued about cash early in a relationship, the more likely they were to divorce. Arguments about cash were longer and more tenacious than any other source of marital rancor, the study found.

And it isn’t always about lack of cash, either. This trend cuts across socioeconomic lines – even wealthy couples were found more likely to divorce if they had money arguments early in the relationship, according to the study.

“It may be that fights about money are actually fights about deeper issues in the relationship – power, trust, etc. If these deep issues in the relationship are problematic, then these couples may be more likely to divorce,” study co-author Jeffrey Dew told the Huffington Post.

Simply put, couples that learn how to talk about their cash stand the best chance of survival. Here are three key questions research suggests every couple should ask.

Read next weeks blog to find out about these 3 Questions!

June Message

Money makes the world go around, right? But what happens when you have no idea where your money goes, or why you never seem to have enough?  This month’s blog is focused on money, your relationship with money and your relationship with your partner and money. We have a really great event coming up that will give you a much better idea on how to change your relationship with money- and make it work for you.

Where’s My Money?- How your Money Personality May be Sabotaging your Bank Account

Are you constantly wondering where your money goes?
Challenged as to why you don’t have more?
It’s time to find out why….

Join us for a engaging presentation on how your Money Personality is working for you- or against you, and what to do next!

WHEN: Wednesday June 11, 2014 from 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM MDT

Also, June 15th is Father’s Day, how about a day at the ABQ Zoo with a concert, or getting the family together for a 5K Run at the Jewish Community Center?

There’s also an auto show at Sagebrush Community Church, and another concert in Corrales.  Check out the June events for Albuquerque here.

Enjoy the first month of summer!

We Are All Guilty Continued. . .

yes no1. Know your values – First and foremost. You need to know what’s important to you in life, what you truly value, and what you’re ultimately aiming for. Once you know who you really are and what matters to you, what other people think of you become significantly less important. When you know your values, you’ll have something to stand up for something you believe in. You’ll stop saying yes to everything.

2. Put yourself out there – Now that you know what your values are, it’s time to put yourself out there. This can be done several ways. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Blogging
  • Wearing a polka dot sweater
  • Public Speaking
  • Flirting/Asking someone out

Keep in mind that when you’re doing any of these activities, you have to speak your mind. Be honest with yourself and what you share, because the world doesn’t need another conflict avoider who does what everyone else does.

3. Surround yourself with pros – Surround yourself with people who are self-assured, and live life without comprising their core values. These people will rub off on you quickly.

4. Create a “Growth List” – A Growth List is comprised of all the things in life that makes you uncomfortable. These are fears, insecurities anything that gives you the jitters. Here’s how it works.
You start by writing all the things that make you feel uncomfortable.
Then one by one, you do them. Once you complete the task, you move on to the next. Repeat. This exercise does wonders.  You can read all the books in the world about being confident or getting over your fears, but if you don’t take action, you’re just someone who’s read how to ride a bicycle without ever having ridden one.

Source: Sean Kim in Life Hacking

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