Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Archive for the ‘For Couples’ Category

Holidays – Alone, Apart, & Anxious Continued. . . .

Holidays – Alone, Apart, & Anxious  Continued. . . .

girl in santa hatSharing Time With Others – So you’ve had your time to yourself. Now, consider how much time alone is best for you. At what point will you start to get lonely? It might be two days or maybe a week. Whatever it is, be honest with yourself about your personal limit. Make plans to be around other people when that alone-time limit comes. There are many activities to do and places to go where you can share the holiday spirit with others. Here are some ideas:

  • Volunteer. If it’s holiday traditions you want, forget shopping and parties. Return to the real holiday tradition by helping others. When you volunteer, you can expect two big rewards. First, you’ll be surrounded by people – by volunteers and staff who share your spirit of giving and by those you are helping. Never will someone be more grateful for a gift. Second, it’s good for the soul. Helping others in need is fulfilling, and takes your mind off of your own stuff.
  • Consider canine company. Although it may seem like an unusual idea, create your own company by offering to dog sit for friends who are going out of town. Of course, this will only work if you actually like dogs, and if you’re familiar with their dog in particular. You’ll be doing both them and yourself an enormous favor. A dog can be great company on a long winter’s night. And, who knows who you might meet? Dog walkers are usually a friendly bunch.
  • Extend invitations, and be proactive. Call up other people who might be on their own and arrange a holiday dinner, agreeing to split the meal preparation duties. Lots of singles look forward to their “orphans’ Christmas” each year, celebrating with old friends and new ones. Don’t assume that everyone you know will be busy throughout the holidays. Even if they have family commitments, they still might welcome the opportunity to escape to spend some time with you.
  • Do something with friends. This may seem obvious, but many people don’t think of it. Most of us have been conditioned to think of holidays as time for family only. We’re not used to thinking of this as a time to gather with friends. Change that. If you’re on your own, a few friends might be, too. Get in touch with them, and make some plans.

So, there you have it. If you’re going to be alone for this holiday season, make it a good one. Take advantage of what it can bring you: a chance for some quality person  al time, and a chance to get out, meet some new people and help those in need. Enjoy!

Surviving Christmas

surviving christmasThe return of magical Christmas adverts and movies to our television screens are the modern-day herald of the festive spirit. For many, though, it can spell the start of a difficult season.

Click the links below to find tips on how to cope with the holiday season whether you are alone, deciding where to spend Christmas or separated couples:

Show Your Mother (& Mother-in-law) Some Love

CrazyYou choose the person whom you marry, but you don’t choose your in-laws…… Relationship problems with in-laws are among the most common happiness challenges – whether people are complaining about their spouse’s parents or about their kids’ spouses. In-laws have a unique power to drive us crazy.

Click here to read more about how to show love to mothers and mother-in-law’s.

Wise Words From My Morther-In-Law

n-HAPPY-MIDDLE-AGED-COUPLE-large570Is advice from a 60 year relationship worth listening to? I think so! My in-laws have just celebrated their 60 year anniversary, and recently my mother-in-law had some words of wisdom that she shared with me. One of her grandchildren had asked her “how can you tell when you are in love”, and  this is what she said.

“How do you tell when you’re in love? I had to stop and think. My mind came up with several words- all that begin with the letter P.

Privacy– way up there as a priority, it lets a person feel free and be himself.

Passion– way up there too, what’s the fun without it?

Politeness, Persistence, and Patience

Politeness– way up there, treat the one you love as politely as you would a stranger. Other basics- bite your tongue, don’t put words in the air you’ll have to apologize for later, and perhaps, most of all,  a wanting more to be with someone than not to be with someone.”

“A person needs to fall in love over and over again- how nice if it’s with the same person each time!

People change and I believe about every five years you recognize, hey, is he (she) different now? Then it’s time  to take inventory of yourself and your life, and for me, to remember back to how loving someone all started and finding if the spark is still there? For me, the answer keeps being Yes, and I find myself really falling in love again. That’s what makes life fun- with the new person that I’m living with.”

My father-in-law also put in his two cents at our wedding. He was asked by the DJ what he thought the best relationship advice was- and his answer? Just one word- “Trust”.

Personally, I don’t have the experience and wisdom of 60 years behind me, but I have seen quite a few couples over the years in the practice. It’s very true= the couples that do well with improving their relationships are patient and kind to each other, and willing to see each other from a new perspective, even through some really difficult times. Couples that treat each other with disrespect and disdain are destined for divorce. (I know, a lot of “D words” but it’s true.) Fondness and admiration can go a long way in helping to solve problems, generate resolutions and create intimacy.

So, take these words of wisdom from a successful, long term relationship to heart. And to my mother-in-law:

Thank you, Phyl, for the sage words and wisdom from the heart. I truly appreciate you being a marriage mentor in my life. 

November Message

Happy ThanksgivingNo, it’s not really November already, is it? I can’t believe it- but Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away. And with the holidays approaching, family get- togethers are not far behind. This month, we have some really good tips on how to get along with your relatives at those family gatherings, and not lose your mind (or damage your relationships!) in the process. This month I have some relationship help from my mother-in-law, who knows exactly what it takes for the success of a long term marriage. Speaking of family relationships, we also have a great article on how to have a wonderful relationship with your in-laws, just in case yours needs a bit of help. Enjoy and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

7 Ways to Flirt with Your Spouse

sex_advice_flirting_020211In the beginning, flirting was probably effortless. From lingering glances to a flip of the hair, both of you were rapidly firing off cues that demonstrated a mix of interest and passion.

Fast forward a few years, past an engagement, marriage, honeymoon. Add in some careers, maybe a couple of kids, a mortgage, large appliances that need replacing, and before you know it, flirting is a distant memory.

Here are 8 easy ways to add some flirtatious fun to your daily interactions with your spouse. Try a few out today!

  1. Show interest.

When your spouse is talking to you, put the paper down, step away from the computer, let the phone go to voicemail. Make eye contact. Ask open-ended questions that have nothing to do with bills, in-laws or household projects.

  1. Tell a joke.

Humor can be magical, reducing the tension of the day, improving the mood and atmosphere. Find something funny to share with your spouse. On the flip side, be sure to laugh at his or her jokes.

  1. Wear something special.

When you have some time to spend together, or want to make time, put on something your spouse likes that you feel good in, even if it’s a clean pair of jeans and a great T-shirt.

  1. Snuggle. Rather than sit at opposite ends of the couch to watch a movie, scoot in and keep each other warm.
  2. Put that technology to good use.

Text a sweet sentiment or profession of love. Use an e-mail to say hello in the middle of the day. Calling to check in during the day? Instead of going directly into “What’s for dinner?” shock her with “I just wanted to tell you I love you.”

  1. Hold hands. The next time you’re walking somewhere together-even if it’s just through the grocery store parking lot-grab your honey’s hand. It may surprise you both.
  2. Kiss each other hello and goodbye every single time. This is a quick but meaningful gesture. Go ahead and linger over them occasionally and see what happens.

 

Happy flirting!

(Source: hitchedmag.com)

 

Thriving Relationships – continued

 5 Practices for Harmony, Happiness and Successful Relationships

  1. Check your expectations:

Expectations – we all have them. The reason they get such a bad reputation is because for most people their ehappy couples enjoyingxpectations go un-communicated, which then gives the ego a reason to attack or “kill off” the perceived enemy (the person who hasn’t fulfilled the expectation you had of them that you never told them about).

Occasionally expectations are communicated, however, the request often comes from a place of lack or limitation, in the form of a demand or ultimatum. This is how fear runs it’s show. Love does things very differently. First thing love will have you do is to get radically honest about what it is you truly expect from your partner. Tell the truth on yourself.

2.Give what you are trying to get:

Now that you are clear what you expect from your partner, go out into the world and give it. What you expect your partner to give to you, go give it to them and while you are at it give it away to other people in your life.For example, if you want your partner to acknowledge you for the work you do around the house – make a point of positively acknowledging them for specific things they do to help out around the house.

 

What we give to others we have already given to ourselves. This is a Radical Self Love practice of becoming self sustaining. When we take the pressure off of our partners to complete us or solely fill our needs we reclaim our power, allow our partners to be in their power and get to enjoy the beauty of having our needs met 100% of the time. This energy of self empowerment also allows the relationship to breathe and when we have the space to breathe we thrive. Same goes for our relationships. When you are responsible for yourself in this way, the less you will try to “get” something from your partner the more space you will have to celebrate your partner and the beauty of your union.

3. Say what you mean and mean what you say:

Ego
temper tantrums have no place in a successful relationship. People who are enjoying happy relationships understand the power of their words. They speak intentionally. They remember the childhood teaching “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”. Bite your tongue when it wants to go off. Only speak what is true for you in your heart.

To do this we must be calm, present and connected. If your temper is flared, which does happen in relationships, take time to breath. Stop the ego eruption and take a sometime to calm down. Instead of reacting from your ego respond from love. This will take practice but is one of the most important tools we must master when it comes to having powerful, love filled relationships.

When you mean what you say and say what you mean it now becomes a safe place to make requests of your partner from a place of love and wholeness. If there is something you would really like your partner to do, ask for it. Be direct, be clear and be love.

When we are being love we also understand that just because we make a request does not obligate the other person to fulfill on it. We all have free will and we all have different needs, wants and desires. Ask for what you want and need and do so from a place of being ok if the answer is yes or no. If your partner says no don’t take it personally. See them through the lens of respect and honor them for being truthful. and honest.

  1. Drop the drama and mind games:No one is a mind reader and when we assume our partners know what we mean we set ourselves up

for pain down the line. The ego doesn’t want to be clear, honest and straight up. It will come up with a mind full of dramatic stories to keep you from speaking your truth with kindness. In your life and in your relationship develop a no gossip policy. If you are going to talk about other people make it a habit of speaking positively about them.

  1. Praise your relationship, praise your partner, praise yourself:

What we praise grows, it is the law of love. When we focus on what is working in our relationships, what our partner is doing well and what we are doing well we begin to create the environment for healing, success, abundance and connection. It is in the energy of praise we thrive in love.

Relationships require awareness, commitment and a desire to always be evolving into greater versions of who we know ourselves to be. To love on this level means to play at a higher level than most of us ever have. If you want something you have never had you have to do something you have never done.

If you are capable of desiring a healthy, high vibin’ and positive relationship you are capable of creating it. The only thing that stands in your way is you. Your willingness to succeed and thrive will ensure that you will. See yourself as capable of greatness and greatness is yours.

Radical Self Love to the max!!

(Source: youngandraw.com)

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