Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Posts tagged ‘Relationships’

Kissing: 5 Tips for Better Smooches

Kissing LipsEvery so often someone complains to me that their partner is a less than ideal kisser.  They complain of too much saliva, too little pressure, too much gusto, or even bad breath.

You don’t want to be that person, do you?  Of course not!  Here are three tips for having more fun while kissing.

1.Relax. Really.  Keep your lips relaxed and soft while kissing. It will feel better to both you and your partner.Puckering up isn’t as sexy as a pair of nice, relaxed lips.
 2.Tongues are for  exploring,  not  finding your partner’s tonsils. Think of your tongue like a fingertip and use it to explore your partner’s tongue, inside of their lips, and gently around the outline of their mouth.

3.Not too wet! You are not a puppy, so you don’t get to slobber all over your partner.Not too dry, either, that doesn’t feel sexy.Moist is good, so give your lips a little lick and go for it.
4.Start with a closed mouth, especially when kissing your partner for the first time. It’s the classy and respectful thing to do, and makes for a tender and memorable first kiss.
5.Stay attuned to your partner. Do they want to slow down? Take it up a notch? Are you both comfortable, physically and psychologically? By tuning in to your partner, you can both enjoy the experience without the other person feeling as though their needs aren’t being met. By staying attuned, kissing can become a mutual exchange of affection and a sense of deep connection…all in the space of a brief kiss! (Source: Dr. Stephanie Buehler)


Kissing can be a great bridge to all kinds of sexual activity.  Try it!


Depression and Marriage – continued

despairThere is no need to suffer alone or in silence. A few basic strategies can help spouses stay sane and connected when working through the difficulties of and depression:

1. Communicate! Let your loved one know that you see how he or she is struggling. Whether you feel helpless or frustrated, gently and openly talk about the issues that arise. It can be tempting to avoid these issues and sweep them under the carpet, but doing this will only reduce communication and increase the underlying stress. Make a special, private time to talk-away from kids and work issues-to address possible causes of the depression. Communicating does not mean that you need to try to “fix” the issues; it’s most important that you simply open up, listen, and allow space for honest discussion.

2. Reach Out! It’s easy to feel ashamed or embarrassed by feelings of depression or stress, yet these issues are extremely common.  It’s often a great idea to reach out to a local support group, private psychotherapist, or minister for gentle guidance and support. There are many underlying causes of depression that include such issues as a “need for perfection” or a “desire to be in control of life.” A mental health specialist can help sort through these root causes that are often hidden and deeply unconscious. As well, a trusted professional can often help you and your spouse become aware of patterns that trigger depression. By becoming aware of such patterns, you can learn how to become proactive in creating positive, healthy behaviors. In general, asking for help from others can take immense pressure off the marriage. It is important to relieve the emotional pressure within the marriage and allow for supportive, objective input from skilled professionals. Some people feel ashamed or fear that they are weak if they ask for support, yet it actually takes great courage to reach out to others!

3. Socialize! Depression can often leave a person wanting to stay in bed or at home on the couch. The most simple life tasks can feel daunting and exhausting when a person feels overwhelmed. When this occurs, it is common for individuals to feel that they are alone in their struggles. It becomes easy to believe that everyone else in the world is happy and smiling. This can create a cycle of isolation and immobilization that serves to worsen the struggle. Brief, uplifting outings-such as a trip to the store, an afternoon picnic in the park, or a walk through a local farmer’s market-can increase a sense of wellness and connection to others. Volunteering has been shown to have a positive effect on overall mental and physical health! Engaging in caring involvement with others has many tremendously positive benefits!

4. Exercise! When depression begin to rise, many people feel too tired to exercise. Stress-relieving neurochemicals surge throughout the body when we exercise, so it is important to encourage a regular fitness regimen. Whether you take a walk with your spouse after work or encourage a run in the local park, exercise naturally helps relieve anxiety and depression.  Although your sweetie may want to become a couch potato, exercise in general-and especially in the great outdoors-is incredibly curative.

5. Increase Self Care! Don’t forget that your partner’s mental health issues also affect you on a deep level. It is important to care for your spouse, yet it’s also vital that you engage in self-care activities of your own, such as outing with friends, exercise, and simple treats like quiet bubble baths. If you allow yourself to become worn-out and exhausted you will not have the necessary reserves to properly take care of anyone else. It is not selfish to put your own needs at the top of the list; in fact, it is essential that fundamental, positive self-care be a solid priority in your life. It does not do any good to be a rundown martyr. Strive to lead by example and become a model of healthy, vibrant self-care!

6. Take Calming Time-Outs! Invite your spouse to engage in regular, peaceful time-outs with you. Practice yoga, listen to calming music, meditate, or enjoy a massage. Learning relaxation techniques is easy to do with readily available CDs and books that offer step-by-step instructions. A practice of learning to become still and quiet can become a life-long ally in the struggle against anxiety and depression. Inner calmness encourages a more tranquil acceptance of life’s ongoing challenges. Learning to step back from worries and fears can be empowering and freeing!

7. Eat Healthfully! We often overlook the importance of a healthy diet, yet research consistently shows that diet affects psychological well-being. When struggling with anxiety and depression, it is all the more important to eat regular, well-balanced meals. Avoid the temptation to allow yourself or your sweetie to skip meals. Maintain a ready supply of healthy, energy-boosting snacks such as raw nuts, fresh fruits, and raw vegetables. Limit alcohol and caffeine, both of which are known to aggravate anxiety issues.

8. Laugh! As simple as it might sound, laughter is truly one of the best medicines known to mankind. Studies have shown that humor goes a long way to contributing to psychological and physical wellness. With this in mind, seek as many opportunities as you can to fill your life with laughter! Whether you watch a romantic comedy with your spouse or have friends over for a night of charades, the healing power of laughter is incredible. We often take ourselves-and life-far too seriously. Let a sense of humor and laughter bring balance and lightness into your life!

9. Sleep! The power of a good night’s sleep is too often ignored or marginalized. Depression often affects sleep patterns, and the lack of solid, uninterrupted sleep can make matters worse. A lack of sleep can increase irritability and lead to poor emotional control, bad judgment, and a host of other difficulties. Too much sleep can also lead to problems that include weight gain and diabetes. To improve sleep, it’s important to have a regular bedtime, avoid late evening meals or snacks, reduce alcohol and caffeine, eliminate electronic (television and computer) stimulation late in the evening, and maintain a softly lit bedroom that is free of distractions. It is easier to have a positive attitude when you are rested and refreshed!

10. Breathe! Never underestimate the power of slow, deep breaths! Especially when dealing with anxiety issues, it’s important to learn to breathe deeply, slowly, and mindfully. When anxiety or stress begin to build, learn to inhale and exhale slowly. Breathe in to a count of 10, and breathe out to a count of 10. When focusing on counting the breath, the mind stops racing and anxiety can be reduced. Breathing exercises have been proven to reduce stress and increase wellness. The body’s production of harmful stress hormones is reduced when relaxing breathing techniques are utilized. If yoga appeals to you, it’s good to know that certain yoga practices also focus on mindful breathing. It’s good news to know that something as simple as changing the way you breathe can support a sense of overall peace and wellness in life.

Depression is a big issue that need not be faced alone. Life is complicated and often far too stressful. Remember to reach out for support. You, your marriage, and your family will be healthier and happier when you take small, significant steps to creating a more balanced lifestyle. With increased awareness and support, you and your husband or wife can thrive!
(Source: Dr. Carla Marie Greco)

Book of The Month

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference  

 “Where does ‘highly happy’ come from-and can we have some too?!”

Have you ever looked at a blissfully married couple and thought, I wish I could know their secret? Now you can. After years of investigative research, Shaunti reveals twelve powerful habits that the happiest marriages have in common.

Best news of all? Anyone can learn the secrets of a highly happy marriage!

In The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Shaunti Feldhahn shares her findings about little, very unexpected, often overlooked actions that make a huge difference. You’re about to discover that highly happy couples:
* Go to bed mad
* Keep score (just not in the way you think)
* Boss their feelings around
* Have factual fantasies
* Get in over their heads
* Don’t tell it like it is
* Don’t look to marriage to make them happy…

Packed with eye-opening research and practical helps, this book delivers relationship insights that will take your marriage from “just fine” to “just the marriage we’ve always wanted.”

Book of the Month

Calling in “The One”: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life
Finding The OneAre you frustrated by stymied relation-ships, missed connections, and the loneliness of the search for someone to spend the rest of your life with? Are you ready, instead, to find “The One”? In Calling in “The One,” Katherine Woodward Thomas shares her own personal experience to show women that in order to find the relationship that will last a lifetime, you have to be truly open and ready to create a loving, committed, romantic union. Calling in “The One” shows you how.

Based on the Law of Attraction, which is the concept that we can only attract what we’re ready to receive, the provocative yet simple seven-week program in Calling in “The One” prepares you to bring forth the love you seek. For each of the 49 days of Thomas’s thoughtful and life-affirming plan, there is a daily lesson, a corresponding practice, and instruction for putting that lesson into action in your life. Meditation, visualization, and journaling exercises will gently lead you to recognize the obstacles on your path to love and provide ways to steer around them. At the end of those 49 days, you will be in the ideal emotional state to go out into the world and find “The One.”

An inspirational approach that offers a radical new philosophy on relationships, Calling in “The One” is your guide to finding the love you seek.


Lesson to Learn

Past and presentAs we start a new year and reflect on the year past, we begin to think of lessons to learn or to apply to our everyday life.  I would like to share with you five tips of lessons to learn that may spark a light bulb in your everyday life, enjoy…..

Lesson One: Forgiveness 

“When someone has been unjust to you, you are filled with wrath and resentment. You cannot forgive that person. Times rolls by, and another person does the same thing. It is because you have a picture of injustice engraved in your subconscious. There is only one way to neutralize it. Be absolutely undisturbed by the injustice, and send goodwill to all concerned.”

Louise Hay: I love and accept others exactly as they are right now. The door to my heart opens inward. I move through forgiveness to love.
Lesson Two: Self-Esteem

“No one keeps you out of your good but yourself. A thought-form of self-pity is one of the most dangerous you can have. The more you pity yourself, the worse things get. Be above the worry belt, in consciousness, and then you will have instantaneous manifestations. Your success, happiness or abundance comes to pass in the “twinkling of an eye.”

Louise Hay:I am a magnet for all good because I choose to think positively. I love and approve of myself and easily choose thoughts that nourish me.

Lesson Three: Money

“Money is a symbol of freedom and is part of the Divine Plan. There is an invisible supply for you to draw upon. It is the bank of the imagination. Be grateful for what you have, and you will attract more to be grateful for. Gratitude is the law of increase, and complaint is the law of decrease. Continually give thanks for what you have, and for manifestation of invisible supply.”

Louise Hay:I truly believe that we are here to bless and prosper each other. Life supports me in wondrous ways.

Lesson Four: Health 

“A person who is low-spirited or inharmonious will contract a cold; a happy, fearless person will be immune to germs. For example, a woman goes out in cold weather in evening clothes-lightly clad-but is quite comfortable, for she feels she is looking well and is filled with anticipation for a happy evening. If the same woman is dressed in an unbecoming gown or in a bad humor, she will come back complaining of a cold and discomfort and have a cough the next day. A harmonious person is never vibrating at the same rate as a germ.”

Louise Hay: My body is a mirror of my inner thoughts and beliefs. I love and approve of myself and easily choose thoughts that nourish me.

Lesson Five: Future Possibilities 

“Do not limit yourself to a one-station radio of life. Tune in with Infinite Intelligence. Look with amazement at that which is before you. With the fixed idea that your supply comes from Infinite Intelligence, you will always be provided for, in both big and little ways. The big things in life will come easily if you have no doubts or fears. So live fully in today, and bring your future into the now. ”

Louise Hay: Life loves me! I am safe in the Universe, which fully loves and supports me.

Source: All quotes by Florence Shinn and Louise Hay

Looking For a Few Good Couples

ID-10028219 (3)Are you a self employed couple? Franchise owner with your mate?
Are you married to your business?

I am really excited to announce my new start up- business coaching for couples who are entrepreneurs, franchise owners or self employed. If you fit this profile, and want to make more money while improving your relationship, I can help you. I’m looking for a few couples to help out with beta testing of my signature service. For more information and to apply, click here.

Make the most out of your entrepreneurial lifestyle without kissing your relationship goodbye!

Finding Greater Happiness

Greater HappinessSay the words “therapy session” and many people will picture an hour spent on a couch dredging up unhappy childhood memories. A different approach suggests that redirecting the focus onto the present and future can make people happier, healthier and lead to better relationships.

The method, called Time Perspective Therapy, involves figuring out which of six different outlooks a person has:

  1. past-positive (you love the past);
  2. past-negative (you have regrets and bad things happened in your past-or things that you now exaggerate as bad);
  3. present hedonism (you enjoy the present and like to reward yourself);
  4. present fatalism (you feel that events are beyond your control, so why bother?);
  5. goal-oriented future (you plan ahead and weigh the costs and benefits of any decision);
  6. transcendental future (you live a good life because you believe the reward is a heaven after death).

The best profile to have, says Philip Zimbardo, psychologist and professor emeritus at Stanford University, is a blend of a high level of past-positive, a moderately high level of future orientation and a moderate level of selected present hedonism. In other words, you like your past, work for the future-but not so hard that you become a workaholic-and choose when to seek pleasure in the present. Dr. Zimbardo, an influential thinker in this field who lectures widely, administers a 56-item questionnaire to determine a patient’s profile.

The worst time-perspective profile to have is a high level of past-negative coupled with a high level of present fatalism. “These people are living in a negative past and think nothing they do can change it,” says Dr. Zimbardo, co-author of the book “The Time Cure.” They also score low on present hedonism and have a low future orientation. People who are clinically depressed or have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder typically have this profile.

Our individual time perspective is influenced by many things, including family and friends, culture, religion, education and life events. As very young children, we were all pretty much purely hedonistic-focused on getting what we wanted when we wanted it. Some, but not all, of us become more future-oriented as we get older.

Read next weeks post to find out more about Time Perspective Therapy . . .

(Source: Dr. Zimbardo)

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