Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Posts tagged ‘rebuilding trust in relationships’

Have YOU ever thought about cheating on your partner?

Have YOU ever thought about cheating on your partner? Chances are that you have, and if so, you aren’t alone. Some research numbers say that as many as 60% of all couples will experience infidelity in their relationship. That’s 6 out of every 10 relationships that might have a cheating partner. If we accept these numbers, not only are there thoughts about cheating, there’s also quite a bit of action around cheating. Sounds pretty high, doesn’t it?

We all know that no relationship is perfect, and that there are many stages and phases we go through in our relationships that are less than ideal.  Some of these stages are so uncomfortable that we may find ourselves wishing that we had a different, better relationship.

Well, for those of you that feel this way, here’s the news:

I have a new book out, “Keep Your Pants On: Preventing Infidelity in your Marriage that addresses these concerns. This book was written as a direct response to all of my clients that struggle with their thoughts about cheating on their partner. While these thoughts can be a normal experience for some, it’s the taking action on these thoughts that becomes a big problem when we are in a committed relationship.

Infidelity is extremely painful for the partners that are going through it; it is also painful for the therapists working with these issues to witness the damage. That is where the original idea of this book took off- trying to prevent infidelity before it happens, to stop the actions of cheating before it is too late.

Keep Your Pants On has been reviewed by several experts in the field of couples and relationship counseling, and includes their own testimonials plus others on my advisory team. The book includes interactive exercises, action steps and “RSS Feeds” (Relationship Super Strategies) to help support your choice of commitment within your relationship. There is also a brand new website, that has even more information.

I am so excited about finally finishing this book that I am making a special offer to you for the month of September– giving you a free copy of the book!  If you are an active client at AFC you can get one from your therapist at your next session, or you can come in to the office and pick one up from Sarah, our administrative assistant. I do have one request- if you like the book, go to Amazon and say so by writing a review. If you don’t like it, just tell ME! I really hope that you take advantage of this offer, to help strengthen your relationship and prevent infidelity with your partner.

Finally, this book is truly a labor of love for my clients; past, present and future. And for anyone else who struggles with these problems- this one’s for you.

Kelly Chicas 2011

Book of The Month

“Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships 

by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

You can love her or hate her, but Dr. Laura packs a good punch with her direct, “in your face” style of saving relationships.

Her broad statements like “the feminist movement has become hostile to heterosexual relationships in general” and her tendency to react to callers in anger may offend, but if you can put this aside, you’ll find some solid advice in this book. While Dr. Laura excels at placing blame, her bluntness can be refreshing, and you know right where she stands.

Much of the book has been created from letters written by listeners of her show. These personal anecdotes are used to illustrate points and provide examples we can all relate to; given their tremendous variety, you’re sure to find some that click with you. They make the book an easily absorbed read and provide a welcome break. You’ll find suggestions on taking time to really listen to each other, ways to respect each other’s needs without catering to selfishness, and a firm belief that relationships are nearly always worth saving.


Book of the Month

Who’s That Sleeping in My Bed?: The Art of Relationships for Grown-ups
by Keren Smedley

Book of the Month

Whether it’s about starting again after the end of a long-term relationship, helping adult children come to terms with the end of old relationships, or coping with issues connected to same-sex relationships in later life, this guide addresses a huge range of questions. Like an extended advice column for boomers, this book will engage and inform both those who wish to tackle problems in their own lives, and those who simply wish to be entertained by the rich variety of life. Being over 50 is not what it used to be: it does not mean giving up on sex and love. And the baby boomers-heirs to the sexual revolution of the 1960s-approach sex and relationships in a very different way than previous generations, continuing to want to be vital and sexual and encounter new options and problems.

Stop, Drop and Roll

Here are some suggestions to help you put out the fire, reconnect with your primary partner- and still bring home the bacon.

1.  Remember that with work and other commitments, the time one spends with one’s primary partner is extremely limited. When you are at work, on the commute, or while traveling on business, spend this “down time” on your primary relationship. Pick up the phone or write a letter or e-mail to your significant other or journal about your significant other.

2. Ask yourself “why?” to the question of forming a bond outside of your primary relationship. What is the purpose of this relationship, and what are both of you getting out of it?

3.You can’t split your attention. You have to be very careful how you treat people of the opposite sex because no one intends to do anything, and it always “just happens.” When you focus your attention on your spouse you are so busy with your spouse you don’t have the inclination to give anyone of the opposite sex the time to worm their way into your life – in the place where your spouse should be.

Remember, You have to put a lot of energy into creating the relationship that you want. And both of you have to participate.

Play with Fire

It has been suggested that politicians, CEO’s and other highly driven individuals are in a sense wired for marriage mischief through personalities built for risk-taking and dealing with uncertainty.

Whether your personality leads you in the wrong direction, your marriage is or will be under attack at some time. Is there anything you can do to prevent (or repel) such attacks?

The answer is yes. Dr. Dave Carder recently spoke at the international Smart Marriages Conference in Orlando, Fla. During his presentation, he talked about “Close Call Friendships.”

He believes that infatuation – sudden unreasonable emotion attraction to someone or something else – is more powerful than it is given credit. People don’t think in their right mind when they are infatuated with something. Any relationship with potential for quick chemistry is dangerous.

It’s OK to be friends with people of the opposite sex who are not your spouse, but you need to have STRONG BOUNDARIES.

Read on for more tips on how to prevent a fire in your work area or away from home.

Rebuilding Trust

How do you rebuild trust when you have lost it?

1. Turn it Off

The computer and the television. Both forms of media isolate us and focus on the corrupt aspects of our society. We can build trust by communicating and discussing the issues with other people.

2. Get it out

Get out of the house and meet a friend for coffee, or your  partner for lunch. Join a community group or organization, an interest group or take a class. Organize block parties, garage sales, potlucks or other neighborhood  activities. This fosters social networks as well as trust. BE with other people!

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