Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Posts tagged ‘Men’

Book of The Month

The Success Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Jack CanfieldThis is one of my all time favorite books, and I bring it out every January as a refresher for what I want to do in the coming year.

Jack Canfield, cocreator of the phenomenal bestselling Chicken Soup for the Soul® series, turns to the principles he’s studied, taught, and lived for more than 30 years in this practical and inspiring guide that will help any aspiring person get from where they are to where they want to be.

The Success Principles™ will teach you how to increase your confidence, tackle daily challenges, live with passion and purpose, and realize all your ambitions. Not merely a collection of good ideas, this book spells out the 64 timeless principles used by successful men and women throughout history. Taken together and practiced every day, these principles will transform your life beyond your wildest dreams!

 

Father’s Day Gift

What’s a better Father’s Day gift than a great relationship? To help celebrate the guys in our lives, this month at AFC we are giving away a special gift with the purchase of any counseling package.

The gift is different with each package- click here for more info

Book of The Month

Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex–and How to Get It

by Marty Klein

Enjoyable sex: it’s not about technique or a perfect body or being hopelessly, passionately in love. It’s about Sexual Intelligence.

In his three decades of working with couples and individuals as a sex therapist and marriage counselor, Dr. Marty Klein has continually seen that although most people say what they want from sex is pleasure and closeness, that’s not what they focus on during sex. Instead, we’re preoccupied

with how we look, what our partner is thinking, how we’re performing, and whether we’re “normal.” We do more thinking, worrying, and judging than experiencing. Sex like that can’t thrill us, can’t create intimacy, and can’t, well, feel sexy.

In Sexual

Intelligence, Klein shows how to stop observing ourselves during sex, ending our obsession with sexual performance and sexual normality. “I don’t help people ‘function’ better during sex,” he says. “I teach people how to relax and enjoy sex with the body they have, the partner they have, in the situation they have.” Now that’s something we all want: fulfilling, exciting sex at every stage of our lives.

In Sexual Intelligence, Klein challenges our understanding of sex, love, intimacy, romance, and satisfaction. After all, sex isn’t just an activity. Change the way you think about sex, and you can change your sex life-forever

Feeling passionate but no place to go?

AFC is now carrying a line of sensual products to help enhance your sexual intimacy. A full line of passion products is available at the website, with a shopping cart and ordering that will be sent directly to your home. If you have a special event coming up and can’t wait, we also carry limited stock at the AFC offices. You can ask your therapist, call the office or email us for more info. The website also gives you complete info and ideas about the products. My hope is that these products will help you find some enjoyment and connection with your partner- so give it a try and have some fun together!

The Dirt on Dating after Divorce

You’re recently divorced. You married your high school sweetheart and haven’t been on a date in 25 years. At the end of your marriage, there certainly weren’t many romantic sparks, and now you feel really out of touch with your romantic and sensual side. Maybe you’ve been on a few blind dates, dabbled in online dating and even checked out the health club. But your nerves are frayed, your self confidence is low, and the whole idea of dating again knocks you for a loop. Whether you are a man or a woman, getting back into the dating game is not for the faint hearted. Here are some tips to get you feeling confident about your dating skills:

1. Leave your baggage at the door- This should be pretty common sense, but many people use the new date partner as a sounding board for all of the woes of the recently ended relationship. Nothing kills potential romance faster than a hang dog look as you go on about your ex. If you need an outlet, get a good therapist- (I may know of a couple that can help!)

2. Focus on fun- putting too much importance on one date sets you up for failure. Have fun and take your time, deciding of you like this person enough to see again.  Approach each person as a new beginning, really looking at both their interests and yours- are they a good match?

3. Explore your playful side- after a divorce, your self confidence is low, you may feel unattractive and undesirable. Make an extra effort with your appearance, and spend some time on yourself. Engage with your social network and focus on keeping good eye contact and open body language.

4. Use your common sense when starting to date again- red flags are warnings that should not be ignored. If your self confidence is low, you may think that you don’t deserve a healthy relationship or that you won’t find someone else, and that you need to settle for the first person you meet. If you find yourself thinking, ” Well, I can live with that” or “I can change him/her”, think again about what you are doing. Remember, the traits of that person will only be amplified as they become more comfortable with you.

5. Meet someone new- volunteer, take a class, ask your social circle for referrals or recommendations. This takes away some of the risk of going out with a complete stranger. Find someone with the same interests as you and suggest a meeting. Even if it’s a not a perfect match for you, you could develop lasting friendships and increase your social network.

This can be an exciting time, and it’s normal to have some fears. Keep things light and easy,  and use these times to improve your fun loving abilities. Dating after divorce may just be your next great adventure!

Kelly Chicas 2012

10 Easy Ways to Please Your Partner

Too often, communication between long term couples can be reduced to “shop talk”- the boring, logistical pieces of your lives. Did you take out the trash? What  time is the dinner on Sunday? Are examples of shop talk- and loving relationships need much more than that to keep up the connection.

Deeper communications may require an internal shift and some action around “small talk”, and what I consider the lifeblood of any healthy relationship. Here are some ways to get the conversation started.

Thank you for

Everyone likes to be acknowledged and appreciated for what they do. Thank your partner for more than what you just asked them to do. Thank your partner for being a great parent, or always making time for you.

How do you feel about

Ask, and then really listen to what your partner is saying. Try to withhold judgement, and see what their response is.

I forgive you

Accepting your partner’s apology for their mistakes is a way to let go of resentment, and that frees you both.  In fact, admitting your own mistakes may make you feel vulnerable, but your honesty is likely to inspire your partner to do the same.

I agree with you because

On any given day, we have people in  our lives that seem to love to disagree with us. Validating your partner’s point of view  and perspective helps them feel heard, and strengthens the bond between the two of you.

What are you reading?…What do you think about?

Open up non “shop” talk communication on an intellectual level and you may feel the warmth of common views- or the sparks of difference- that drew you together in the past. Another version is Where do you want to be in five years? … Listen to what your partner’s vision is, and then share your own. The answers might inspire a new, shared plan or uncover hidden needs.

Find your own variations of the questions above, or use these. Either way, you’ll be sure to close some distance between yourself and your partner- and who knows where that will lead.

Kelly Chicas 2012

Love is not just for couples…

….it’s for all of us. Old, young, single, committed, we can all find someone to love this month.  So if you are single, instead of having a pity party, here are some ideas that will have you feeling loved and loving:

 

  1. Start a love epidemic in your life by sending cheesy cards and notes to everyone– family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, bosses, your hair stylist, favorite barista, etc. Kindness spreads, so notice how you feel when you are giving away something unexpected and nice.
  2. Round up all of your friends, male and females and have a singles V-Day party. Have everyone participate by giving out fun gifts, great food and silly games to let people get to know each other.
  3. Indulge-spend the evening with the one you should love the most- yourself. Plan a special dinner (for one), watch a favorite movie, read a book or listen to a playlist. Feel good about being YOU. That’s the best gift of all.

 

Tag Cloud