Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Posts tagged ‘dating’

The Dirt on Dating after Divorce

You’re recently divorced. You married your high school sweetheart and haven’t been on a date in 25 years. At the end of your marriage, there certainly weren’t many romantic sparks, and now you feel really out of touch with your romantic and sensual side. Maybe you’ve been on a few blind dates, dabbled in online dating and even checked out the health club. But your nerves are frayed, your self confidence is low, and the whole idea of dating again knocks you for a loop. Whether you are a man or a woman, getting back into the dating game is not for the faint hearted. Here are some tips to get you feeling confident about your dating skills:

1. Leave your baggage at the door- This should be pretty common sense, but many people use the new date partner as a sounding board for all of the woes of the recently ended relationship. Nothing kills potential romance faster than a hang dog look as you go on about your ex. If you need an outlet, get a good therapist- (I may know of a couple that can help!)

2. Focus on fun- putting too much importance on one date sets you up for failure. Have fun and take your time, deciding of you like this person enough to see again.  Approach each person as a new beginning, really looking at both their interests and yours- are they a good match?

3. Explore your playful side- after a divorce, your self confidence is low, you may feel unattractive and undesirable. Make an extra effort with your appearance, and spend some time on yourself. Engage with your social network and focus on keeping good eye contact and open body language.

4. Use your common sense when starting to date again- red flags are warnings that should not be ignored. If your self confidence is low, you may think that you don’t deserve a healthy relationship or that you won’t find someone else, and that you need to settle for the first person you meet. If you find yourself thinking, ” Well, I can live with that” or “I can change him/her”, think again about what you are doing. Remember, the traits of that person will only be amplified as they become more comfortable with you.

5. Meet someone new- volunteer, take a class, ask your social circle for referrals or recommendations. This takes away some of the risk of going out with a complete stranger. Find someone with the same interests as you and suggest a meeting. Even if it’s a not a perfect match for you, you could develop lasting friendships and increase your social network.

This can be an exciting time, and it’s normal to have some fears. Keep things light and easy,  and use these times to improve your fun loving abilities. Dating after divorce may just be your next great adventure!

Kelly Chicas 2012

Get in Your “Van and Gogh”

The next-best thing to a European vacation is as close as Old Town.  We are graced as a community to have a must-see event here in ABQ. The current “Turner to Cezanne” exhibit at The Albuquerque Museum of Art and History offers a spectacular opportunity to view works of art on loan from the National Museum Wales. This is the first time these works of art from the Davies Collection have been shown in America and there are only five U.S. locations to host the exhibit. As you walk through the doors leading into the gallery…allow yourself to be transported into a world of creativity that will stir your soul. Imagine…seeing “Waterlillies” by Monet or an original Van Gogh. The exhibit has wide appeal.  If you are single, refresh your spirit by touring the exhibit (or, it could be a great first-date location).  For parents, take your children (of all ages).  There is a color Family Activity Guide that has pointers about “what to look for” throughout the exhibit. To energize your Intimate Partner Relationship, make a date with your beloved and stroll around the exhibit holding hands (there is wonderful ambiance because dim lighting protects the fragile artwork).  If there are any special needs, the gallery has ample room for wheelchairs.  The exhibit remains in ABQ through August 8, 2010. Every Sunday morning before 1 pm museum admission is free; there is a $5 fee for the special exhibit.  Priceless.

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