Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Posts tagged ‘couples’

7 Ways to Flirt with Your Spouse

sex_advice_flirting_020211In the beginning, flirting was probably effortless. From lingering glances to a flip of the hair, both of you were rapidly firing off cues that demonstrated a mix of interest and passion.

Fast forward a few years, past an engagement, marriage, honeymoon. Add in some careers, maybe a couple of kids, a mortgage, large appliances that need replacing, and before you know it, flirting is a distant memory.

Here are 8 easy ways to add some flirtatious fun to your daily interactions with your spouse. Try a few out today!

  1. Show interest.

When your spouse is talking to you, put the paper down, step away from the computer, let the phone go to voicemail. Make eye contact. Ask open-ended questions that have nothing to do with bills, in-laws or household projects.

  1. Tell a joke.

Humor can be magical, reducing the tension of the day, improving the mood and atmosphere. Find something funny to share with your spouse. On the flip side, be sure to laugh at his or her jokes.

  1. Wear something special.

When you have some time to spend together, or want to make time, put on something your spouse likes that you feel good in, even if it’s a clean pair of jeans and a great T-shirt.

  1. Snuggle. Rather than sit at opposite ends of the couch to watch a movie, scoot in and keep each other warm.
  2. Put that technology to good use.

Text a sweet sentiment or profession of love. Use an e-mail to say hello in the middle of the day. Calling to check in during the day? Instead of going directly into “What’s for dinner?” shock her with “I just wanted to tell you I love you.”

  1. Hold hands. The next time you’re walking somewhere together-even if it’s just through the grocery store parking lot-grab your honey’s hand. It may surprise you both.
  2. Kiss each other hello and goodbye every single time. This is a quick but meaningful gesture. Go ahead and linger over them occasionally and see what happens.

 

Happy flirting!

(Source: hitchedmag.com)

 

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Book of The Month

The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time

Happy CouplesBad habits: we all have them! But what happens when these bad habits extend to our relationships? Whether it’s interrupting your partner mid-sentence, acting bored when they are speaking, or teasing them in hurtful ways-over time these bad habits can lead to resentment, and can mean the difference between a wonderful, close relationship, and one characterized by conflict or unhappiness. Fortunately, for all of us, good relationship habits can be learned (or re-learned), and bad habits can be un-learned.

Named one of “America’s Top Therapists” by Cosmopolitan magazine, prominent Los Angeles-based psychologist and radio talk show host Barton Goldsmith, PhD, offers readers simple, accessible tips and tools for developing and strengthening positive relationship habits such as gratitude, humor, togetherness, and honesty.

Habits can be hard to break, but if you love someone, you’ve got to make sacrifices. When you consider that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, it becomes clear that many of us may need help in making a relationship thrive. The Happy Couple shows how simple acts of kindness and generosity can increase the likelihood of a relationship being happy, healthy, and long-lasting.

 

Finding Greater Happiness

Greater HappinessSay the words “therapy session” and many people will picture an hour spent on a couch dredging up unhappy childhood memories. A different approach suggests that redirecting the focus onto the present and future can make people happier, healthier and lead to better relationships.

The method, called Time Perspective Therapy, involves figuring out which of six different outlooks a person has:

  1. past-positive (you love the past);
  2. past-negative (you have regrets and bad things happened in your past-or things that you now exaggerate as bad);
  3. present hedonism (you enjoy the present and like to reward yourself);
  4. present fatalism (you feel that events are beyond your control, so why bother?);
  5. goal-oriented future (you plan ahead and weigh the costs and benefits of any decision);
  6. transcendental future (you live a good life because you believe the reward is a heaven after death).

The best profile to have, says Philip Zimbardo, psychologist and professor emeritus at Stanford University, is a blend of a high level of past-positive, a moderately high level of future orientation and a moderate level of selected present hedonism. In other words, you like your past, work for the future-but not so hard that you become a workaholic-and choose when to seek pleasure in the present. Dr. Zimbardo, an influential thinker in this field who lectures widely, administers a 56-item questionnaire to determine a patient’s profile.

The worst time-perspective profile to have is a high level of past-negative coupled with a high level of present fatalism. “These people are living in a negative past and think nothing they do can change it,” says Dr. Zimbardo, co-author of the book “The Time Cure.” They also score low on present hedonism and have a low future orientation. People who are clinically depressed or have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder typically have this profile.

Our individual time perspective is influenced by many things, including family and friends, culture, religion, education and life events. As very young children, we were all pretty much purely hedonistic-focused on getting what we wanted when we wanted it. Some, but not all, of us become more future-oriented as we get older.

Read next weeks post to find out more about Time Perspective Therapy . . .

(Source: Dr. Zimbardo)

Back on Track Continued. . .

ID-10014978 (2)5. Take your fighting gloves off. – Don’t duke it out. Instead, consider taking a time-out. “There’s a concept called ‘loss aversion’ in economics, which simply means we really hate to lose. And when we think we are losing, we fight like there is no tomorrow to try to win,” says Anderson. “It happens when couples talk about hot-button issues like sex, housework, money or the kids. If either person thinks he or she is losing, he or she will ratchet up the stakes and escalate the issue.” The next time you see a spousal spat going to a not-so-happy place, take a break and revisit the subject when neither one of you feels overwhelmed by the topic.

6. Just do it. – Yes, by “do it” we mean have sex. Intimacy is an important part of a vital relationship, and one of the first areas to suffer if feelings are floundering. But sexual encounters can also be one of the quickest ways to reconnect and rekindle with your partner. “Of the many forms of couple intimacy-a smile across a room, a kiss, a touch-sex has the potential to be the most powerful positive physical experience most of us enjoy,” says Joel D. Block, PhD, coauthor of Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship…Without Leaving Your Bedroom. “This is especially true if sex results in emotional fulfillment, better communication, security and reassurance.”

7. Burn your grudges. – It’s time to set some bad memories on fire. Literally. Sometimes hanging on to those “Do you remember the time you did such and such?” moments are the things that lead to relationship sabotage. Instead of carrying grudges around forever, torch them. “Write them all down on a piece of paper. Then set a timer for a certain amount of time. It might be 10 minutes. It might be 30. It might be the whole day. The point is: Give yourself as long as you need to really wallow in the misery of these grudges. Savor them. Get angry about them. Mutter about them. Do whatever you need to do to get sick and tired of them,” says Bowman. “Once you are done, say, ‘I will not think about these anymore. These grudges have lost their usefulness.'” Then take a match and burn them.

8. Don’t be overly confident. – Overconfidence can lead to complacency, which is not good for any relationship. According to Anderson, in a survey published in August 1993 in the journal Law and Human Behavior, couples who had recently applied for a marriage license were asked to estimate the average rate of divorce. Almost uniformly, they accurately predicted about 50 percent. Then they were asked to estimate the chances that they would get divorced. They answered zero percent. The problem with this statistic is that, if there is no perceived risk of failure, no “work” is put into maintaining the relationship-until it’s suddenly faltering. Don’t let yourself gloss over the little things. Don’t forget to make an effort to keep your romance alive. Don’t find yourself in a situation where you realize that you could have done more…when it’s already too late.

9. Write your spouse’s eulogy. – This one isn’t as macabre as it sounds. It’s more of an exercise in appreciation. Bowman suggests that you work on it a little at a time as a way to notice what your spouse does right (since these are the things you’d likely eulogize him with, not the negatives). “Think back over the years you’ve known this man. When did he make you laugh? When did he make you cry tears of joy? When did he surprise you? When did he feed the cat because the smell of cat food makes you want to hurl? Put it in the eulogy,” says Bowman. “The funeral fantasy will help you remember to appreciate your spouse.”

10. Remind yourself you have a choice to stay married. – Many people stay in troubled marriages because they believe they have no other choice. “They think that they are stuck, and they blame this sensation of being stuck on their spouse. But if you are stuck, it’s your fault and not your spouse’s,” says Bowman. That fact is, “you are not stuck; you have choices. Three of them: Do nothing and remain miserable; face your fears and try to save your marriage; ask for a divorce.” Choose to either be married or not. Make a choice. And wake up every morning and make that choice again. The surest path to happiness is knowing that you are not a helpless damsel in distress, but rather a woman who can make her own decisions. You have the choice to live happily ever after.

Source:  Women’s Day

Book of the Month

The Magnetic Mindset
If you’ve had trouble applying the Law of Attraction into your Life, this book offers 365 powerful quotes, inspiring thoughts, and positive affirmations to get it to finally work for you. One day at a time as you apply the insights contained in this book, you’ll find that reaching greater levels of abundance will seem almost effortless as you shift into a powerful magnetic mindset. You are a talented deliberate creator. So start making your dreams a reality. Today is your new beginning!Inside this book you will learn:

  • What is the Law of Attraction and How Does it Affect Me Financially?
  • Habits and Activities to Avoid with Your Money.
  • Thoughts and Emotions that Restrict Cash Flow & How to Change them.
  • Actions that Increase Abundance and Create More Success.
  • How to Honor Your Money and Attract More.
  • Ways to Shift into an Abundant Reality and Unlock New Opportunities.
  • How to Form a Magnetic Wealth Mindset to Attract Abundance.

Flying Solo

Flying soloResolutions/Goals are also for those whose relationships are in trouble- if you are flying solo (or just feel like you are) here are some of my favorites for the New Year, courtesy of Michelle Weiner Davis.

 

1.Envision positive outcomes –There is no way that you can begin to accomplish positive change in your marriage if you don’t believe it is possible. Start by imagining what your life will be like when your marriage truly turns a corner. The more you can picture every detail, the easier it will be to eventually step into this picture at some later date.

2. Act as if you expect miracles to occur – Once you can imagine positive outcomes, reflect on how you will be behaving differently when they happen. Then start doing that right now!

3. Be kind, even if you think your spouse doesn’t deserve it – You may be angry, disappointed, or even devastated by your spouse’s choices and actions. However, rather than react to unsettling behavior, assume your spouse is lost and confused. Be patient, kind and steady and your efforts will pay off.

 4. Focus on small, positive changes – Don’t expect big changes overnight or you will be disappointed and it will make it hard to stay on track. Imagine the smallest change possible that would signal a shift in how things have been going. Then focus on that.

5. Promise yourself this will be a great year, no matter what – You cannot control what your spouse does, but you can control what you decide to do with yourself and your children, if you have them. Take a deep breath and envision how you are going to make this a good year regardless of your spouse’s choices.

6. If you get off track, get back on quickly without self-blame – What separates the winners from the losers is not whether or how many times you get off track, it’s how rapidly you get back on track. If you’ve veered from the plan, hop right back on track without self-recrimination.

 

Book of The Month

Slay Your Own Dragons: How Women Can Overcome Self-Sabotage in Love and Work – Nancy Good

This book focuses on the unconscious emotional inner conflicts that prevent women from experiencing happiness and success in their personal relationships and careers. Emphasis is on eliminating thoughts of self-blame and finding the root of these “dragons” through self-observation. Psychotherapist Good provides various cases of women sabotaging themselves, suggests strategies that each woman might take to overcome self-sabotage, and discusses actions chosen by the women to help themselves. Recognizing the uniqueness and the role of each individual, Good presents a realistic view of overcoming self-sabotage and offers a flexible ten-point plan to help women “slay the dragons.” Good writes engagingly and realistically on a serious hidden problem among women.

 

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