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We can unintentionally become experts at launching verbal missiles at our partners. Think about the words you speak to your partner-are they giving life or death to your relationship?
1. When speaking to each other alone. Do you listen to your partner’s views completely before giving your suggestion or advice? It goes a long way to fostering positive communications. If your partner has a suggestion or wants to do something, avoid contradicting them or saying ‘no’ immediately.
Instead, voice your negative opinions through calm questions so your partner can see your perspective too. It’ll help you both to look at the relationship as a team effort instead of a battlefield of opinions and who’s “right”.
2. In social settings- Being respectful towards each other in front of others is crucial to maintaining harmony in your relationship. Don’t oppose your partner’s views unless you’re joking- and make sure they know that you are joking. Try not to interrupt your partner mid -sentence just because you feel they’re not explaining something well, as this can cause resentment. Join in the conversation, but never overpower your partner.
3. Share a sincere Compliment. Compliment your partner often, and don’t just restrict it to physical traits. Compliment them about their job, their personality and anything else that you genuinely feel. When your partner believes that you have a high opinion about them, it creates more emotional intimacy and rapport within your relationship.
4. Fighting Words Arguments, confrontations and disagreements are a regular affair in a relationship. But even in an argument, avoid words that are sarcastic, belittling or condescending because once they’re out there, they can’t be taken back.
An argument in a relationship never has an individual winner. So stop using words that will make your partner feel lousy about themself. And at the end of every argument, no matter how much you just want to walk away, apologize to each other and hug and make up.
Use these tips to speak with intention and remember- choose those words wisely!
Philosopher Alan Watts considered words to be like living organisms, spreading like a virus—helping or harming as they go on their way. The impact of the words you choose directly affects your partner, friends and family. To be mindful of speech means to notice your intention before you speak and to use words that accurately reflect what you are trying to say.
In the busyness of our daily lives we often forget this aspect of mindfulness, yet communication is the centerpiece of social interactions—whether in speech, twitter or email. We’ve all said things that we regret, and once the words are out there, they can’t be returned. Words possess incredible power: the power to wound or the power to heal, the power to destroy or the power to build up.
I remember an interview that I heard once with the famous comedian Jonathan Winters where he spoke openly about his abusive childhood. He recalled how his father had beaten him severely, in addition to other forms of abuse. Winters said that he would gladly take a physical beating over a verbal one anytime. The scars of verbal abuse he suffered from his father were much worse than the physical scars.
You will find that the words you speak can help you control the world around you. Your relationships can be happier and more fulfilling when your speech is intentional and carefully chosen. Thought becomes deed through language. Speech acts are powerful because most of the actions that people engage in — in business, in marriage, in parenting — are carried out through conversation. But most people speak without intention; they simply say whatever comes to mind. Speak with intention, and your actions take on new purpose.
Check back next week for more info on words you speak to your partner…are they giving life or death to your relationship?
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Can a reality dating show lose out to a weight loss competition in finding true love? It’s now widely known that in the 13 seasons of The “Biggest Loser”, more couples have met, fallen in love and gotten married than in the 23 seasons of “The Bachelorette” and “The Bachelor” combined. Here we have two reality shows completely dedicated to the perfect matching of “soul mates”, through an extensive selection and matching process- and that has failed dismally in creating couples that have any longevity. Contrast that to a group of overweight people who are trying to change their lives, and end up not only successful in losing weight, but also meet their romantic partner in the process. The “Biggest Loser” currently has 5 couples that have met, become romantically involved and married as a result of being on the show together.
The real question is, how and why do people fall in love to begin with? If you look at one classic definition of love, Merriam Webster dictionary defines it as “affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests”. I’d like to add respect and likability to that equation- for long term attraction and love to take hold, mutual respect and simply liking who your partner is as a person is crucial. So, let’s take a look at why “The Biggest Loser” would be a natural environment to create lasting love.
Watch for next weeks post for the reason why “The Biggest Loser” would be a environment for lasting love…..
The world seems to be changing at an extraordinary pace. We get used to the way that things are, and then they shift. That change can be very unsettling, and even a positive change can throw us for a loop. When we are nudged out of our current routine, or challenged with our understanding of how the world works, we experience feelings of fear, anxiety and stress. These feelings in turn can turn into actions and behaviors that don’t serve us very well, and make it even harder to deal with whatever changes are occurring. So, approach dealing with change as a process. Dealing with change is not like a light switch that is either on or off. It is like making a meal, with many steps and ingredients. And just like creating a mouth-watering dinner, dealing with change takes time.
Start by reframing the way you think about change. Choose to give positive meaning to life changes. Even if you’ve never moved your furniture around, or you still have the same hair style you did in college, you can thrive on change.
Read next weeks post for tips on how to deal with change.
Well, here we are again, the most loved/hated month of the year, depending on your perspective. Actually, there are as many couples who dislike this holiday as much as singles. That’s because there is so much pressure that is put on us for V Day-that this one day out of the year should be the perfect union of intimacy, happiness and love with our partners. While logically we know that can’t be the case, it’s hard to ignore the marketing messages in February. But- we have the power to change the message! Bottom line is that February is about LOVE- and that includes everyone, in all relationships. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to see commercials of friends, family members and other loved ones sharing celebrations of V Day? What about sending your ex husband or wife a card? Your boss, employee or co-worker? We can spread a huge amount of joy and love without being tied into the commercialization on V day- and feel great by doing it. And if it’s yourself that needs a little love, here’s some ideas for that too. I think I’ll get started now- I hope you do too!