Rescuing Your Most Important Relationships

Archive for the ‘Individuals’ Category

Holidays – Alone, Apart, & Anxious Continued. . . .

Holidays – Alone, Apart, & Anxious  Continued. . . .

girl in santa hatSharing Time With Others – So you’ve had your time to yourself. Now, consider how much time alone is best for you. At what point will you start to get lonely? It might be two days or maybe a week. Whatever it is, be honest with yourself about your personal limit. Make plans to be around other people when that alone-time limit comes. There are many activities to do and places to go where you can share the holiday spirit with others. Here are some ideas:

  • Volunteer. If it’s holiday traditions you want, forget shopping and parties. Return to the real holiday tradition by helping others. When you volunteer, you can expect two big rewards. First, you’ll be surrounded by people – by volunteers and staff who share your spirit of giving and by those you are helping. Never will someone be more grateful for a gift. Second, it’s good for the soul. Helping others in need is fulfilling, and takes your mind off of your own stuff.
  • Consider canine company. Although it may seem like an unusual idea, create your own company by offering to dog sit for friends who are going out of town. Of course, this will only work if you actually like dogs, and if you’re familiar with their dog in particular. You’ll be doing both them and yourself an enormous favor. A dog can be great company on a long winter’s night. And, who knows who you might meet? Dog walkers are usually a friendly bunch.
  • Extend invitations, and be proactive. Call up other people who might be on their own and arrange a holiday dinner, agreeing to split the meal preparation duties. Lots of singles look forward to their “orphans’ Christmas” each year, celebrating with old friends and new ones. Don’t assume that everyone you know will be busy throughout the holidays. Even if they have family commitments, they still might welcome the opportunity to escape to spend some time with you.
  • Do something with friends. This may seem obvious, but many people don’t think of it. Most of us have been conditioned to think of holidays as time for family only. We’re not used to thinking of this as a time to gather with friends. Change that. If you’re on your own, a few friends might be, too. Get in touch with them, and make some plans.

So, there you have it. If you’re going to be alone for this holiday season, make it a good one. Take advantage of what it can bring you: a chance for some quality person  al time, and a chance to get out, meet some new people and help those in need. Enjoy!

Surviving Christmas

surviving christmasThe return of magical Christmas adverts and movies to our television screens are the modern-day herald of the festive spirit. For many, though, it can spell the start of a difficult season.

Click the links below to find tips on how to cope with the holiday season whether you are alone, deciding where to spend Christmas or separated couples:

Wise Words From My Morther-In-Law

n-HAPPY-MIDDLE-AGED-COUPLE-large570Is advice from a 60 year relationship worth listening to? I think so! My in-laws have just celebrated their 60 year anniversary, and recently my mother-in-law had some words of wisdom that she shared with me. One of her grandchildren had asked her “how can you tell when you are in love”, and  this is what she said.

“How do you tell when you’re in love? I had to stop and think. My mind came up with several words- all that begin with the letter P.

Privacy– way up there as a priority, it lets a person feel free and be himself.

Passion– way up there too, what’s the fun without it?

Politeness, Persistence, and Patience

Politeness– way up there, treat the one you love as politely as you would a stranger. Other basics- bite your tongue, don’t put words in the air you’ll have to apologize for later, and perhaps, most of all,  a wanting more to be with someone than not to be with someone.”

“A person needs to fall in love over and over again- how nice if it’s with the same person each time!

People change and I believe about every five years you recognize, hey, is he (she) different now? Then it’s time  to take inventory of yourself and your life, and for me, to remember back to how loving someone all started and finding if the spark is still there? For me, the answer keeps being Yes, and I find myself really falling in love again. That’s what makes life fun- with the new person that I’m living with.”

My father-in-law also put in his two cents at our wedding. He was asked by the DJ what he thought the best relationship advice was- and his answer? Just one word- “Trust”.

Personally, I don’t have the experience and wisdom of 60 years behind me, but I have seen quite a few couples over the years in the practice. It’s very true= the couples that do well with improving their relationships are patient and kind to each other, and willing to see each other from a new perspective, even through some really difficult times. Couples that treat each other with disrespect and disdain are destined for divorce. (I know, a lot of “D words” but it’s true.) Fondness and admiration can go a long way in helping to solve problems, generate resolutions and create intimacy.

So, take these words of wisdom from a successful, long term relationship to heart. And to my mother-in-law:

Thank you, Phyl, for the sage words and wisdom from the heart. I truly appreciate you being a marriage mentor in my life. 

7 Ways to Flirt with Your Spouse

sex_advice_flirting_020211In the beginning, flirting was probably effortless. From lingering glances to a flip of the hair, both of you were rapidly firing off cues that demonstrated a mix of interest and passion.

Fast forward a few years, past an engagement, marriage, honeymoon. Add in some careers, maybe a couple of kids, a mortgage, large appliances that need replacing, and before you know it, flirting is a distant memory.

Here are 8 easy ways to add some flirtatious fun to your daily interactions with your spouse. Try a few out today!

  1. Show interest.

When your spouse is talking to you, put the paper down, step away from the computer, let the phone go to voicemail. Make eye contact. Ask open-ended questions that have nothing to do with bills, in-laws or household projects.

  1. Tell a joke.

Humor can be magical, reducing the tension of the day, improving the mood and atmosphere. Find something funny to share with your spouse. On the flip side, be sure to laugh at his or her jokes.

  1. Wear something special.

When you have some time to spend together, or want to make time, put on something your spouse likes that you feel good in, even if it’s a clean pair of jeans and a great T-shirt.

  1. Snuggle. Rather than sit at opposite ends of the couch to watch a movie, scoot in and keep each other warm.
  2. Put that technology to good use.

Text a sweet sentiment or profession of love. Use an e-mail to say hello in the middle of the day. Calling to check in during the day? Instead of going directly into “What’s for dinner?” shock her with “I just wanted to tell you I love you.”

  1. Hold hands. The next time you’re walking somewhere together-even if it’s just through the grocery store parking lot-grab your honey’s hand. It may surprise you both.
  2. Kiss each other hello and goodbye every single time. This is a quick but meaningful gesture. Go ahead and linger over them occasionally and see what happens.

 

Happy flirting!

(Source: hitchedmag.com)

 

Thriving Relationships – continued

 5 Practices for Harmony, Happiness and Successful Relationships

  1. Check your expectations:

Expectations – we all have them. The reason they get such a bad reputation is because for most people their ehappy couples enjoyingxpectations go un-communicated, which then gives the ego a reason to attack or “kill off” the perceived enemy (the person who hasn’t fulfilled the expectation you had of them that you never told them about).

Occasionally expectations are communicated, however, the request often comes from a place of lack or limitation, in the form of a demand or ultimatum. This is how fear runs it’s show. Love does things very differently. First thing love will have you do is to get radically honest about what it is you truly expect from your partner. Tell the truth on yourself.

2.Give what you are trying to get:

Now that you are clear what you expect from your partner, go out into the world and give it. What you expect your partner to give to you, go give it to them and while you are at it give it away to other people in your life.For example, if you want your partner to acknowledge you for the work you do around the house – make a point of positively acknowledging them for specific things they do to help out around the house.

 

What we give to others we have already given to ourselves. This is a Radical Self Love practice of becoming self sustaining. When we take the pressure off of our partners to complete us or solely fill our needs we reclaim our power, allow our partners to be in their power and get to enjoy the beauty of having our needs met 100% of the time. This energy of self empowerment also allows the relationship to breathe and when we have the space to breathe we thrive. Same goes for our relationships. When you are responsible for yourself in this way, the less you will try to “get” something from your partner the more space you will have to celebrate your partner and the beauty of your union.

3. Say what you mean and mean what you say:

Ego
temper tantrums have no place in a successful relationship. People who are enjoying happy relationships understand the power of their words. They speak intentionally. They remember the childhood teaching “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”. Bite your tongue when it wants to go off. Only speak what is true for you in your heart.

To do this we must be calm, present and connected. If your temper is flared, which does happen in relationships, take time to breath. Stop the ego eruption and take a sometime to calm down. Instead of reacting from your ego respond from love. This will take practice but is one of the most important tools we must master when it comes to having powerful, love filled relationships.

When you mean what you say and say what you mean it now becomes a safe place to make requests of your partner from a place of love and wholeness. If there is something you would really like your partner to do, ask for it. Be direct, be clear and be love.

When we are being love we also understand that just because we make a request does not obligate the other person to fulfill on it. We all have free will and we all have different needs, wants and desires. Ask for what you want and need and do so from a place of being ok if the answer is yes or no. If your partner says no don’t take it personally. See them through the lens of respect and honor them for being truthful. and honest.

  1. Drop the drama and mind games:No one is a mind reader and when we assume our partners know what we mean we set ourselves up

for pain down the line. The ego doesn’t want to be clear, honest and straight up. It will come up with a mind full of dramatic stories to keep you from speaking your truth with kindness. In your life and in your relationship develop a no gossip policy. If you are going to talk about other people make it a habit of speaking positively about them.

  1. Praise your relationship, praise your partner, praise yourself:

What we praise grows, it is the law of love. When we focus on what is working in our relationships, what our partner is doing well and what we are doing well we begin to create the environment for healing, success, abundance and connection. It is in the energy of praise we thrive in love.

Relationships require awareness, commitment and a desire to always be evolving into greater versions of who we know ourselves to be. To love on this level means to play at a higher level than most of us ever have. If you want something you have never had you have to do something you have never done.

If you are capable of desiring a healthy, high vibin’ and positive relationship you are capable of creating it. The only thing that stands in your way is you. Your willingness to succeed and thrive will ensure that you will. See yourself as capable of greatness and greatness is yours.

Radical Self Love to the max!!

(Source: youngandraw.com)

Thriving In Love: Practices for a Vibrant Healthy Relationship

Power-Tools-RelationshipThere are two basic energies within the human condition.

Fear and Love.

Fear is the egos playground: The defense mechanisms we use to stay safe, protected and in control of ourselves and others.

Love is the hearts playground: The awareness of our fear illusions, the awareness of our unity and the connection to our divinity.

In relationships, we have to elevate our awareness of the energies of fear and love that reside within us. For most, myself included, the majority of our romantic relationships are riddled with confrontation, misunderstanding and challenge after the initial honeymoon phase ends. This honeymoon phase opens our hearts, it reconnects us to our truth and as soon as the ego catches wind of this opening, it shuts the show down as fast as it can.

The ego begins to find fault, it begins to make others wrong, it begins placing blame, casting judgement basically using all its sneaky tricks to keep us from opening our hearts.

Why?

Because when the heart is open, fear can’t be present. Which means the ego is no longer in charge. Only one energy can be present at a time and the ego is a stage hog. It wants the spotlight and it wants it all the time. It dwells in dark and negative energy. It wants to dominate.

Love is kind, patient and allowing. It will not fight the ego for the stage. For love to take the stage we must willingly choose it. We must elevate our awareness to become present to these two energies within and consciously feed the energy of love. The only way fear will ever get off stage is when it no longer has the energy to perform.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

Read my next weeks post to find out more suggestions on having a thriving marriage. . .

(Source: youngandraw.com)

How to Cope With Being Alone on Valentine’s Day

Valentine heart giftThere are certain holidays when it’s harder to deal with not having a romantic partner in your life, probably none more so than Valentine’s Day, the traditional holiday for lovers. Valentine’s Day can feel like the kind of day when everyone but you is coupled up, having a wonderful, romantic time in the enthralling company of the great love of their life.

So what can you do if you’re stuck on Valentine’s Day feeling like you’re on the outside of the party looking in?

Get together with friends who are in the same boat: However it might seem, chances are you’re not alone in being alone on Valentine’s Day. If you have single friends who don’t have a special Valentine this year, get together with one of more of them and have some fun. Make it a spa day, go out for a nice dinner, stay in for a movie night, spend the evening at a casino-whatever you’re in the mood for.

You can even make it an anti-Valentine’s Day occasion if you like. Bolster your spirits by assuring each other that you’re much better off without the partner from your most recent break-up or break-ups. Enjoy wickedly predicting doom for the relationships of mutual friends and acquaintances who do indeed have a lover this year.

Expand the notion of what type of love Valentine’s Day is meant to celebrate: Your Valentine doesn’t have to be a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. Is there someone else you love in your life that you’d like to spend some quality time with?

Perhaps you have a favorite niece or nephew who is especially dear to you, or some other child you love. What about a widowed grandparent who’s alone this year, and whose company you’ve always enjoyed?

There’s no law that says Valentine’s Day has to be about sex or dating or romantic love exclusively. Your Valentine can be anyone who’s special to you.

Expand even farther the notion of what type of love Valentine’s Day is meant to celebrate: There may be no one that comes to mind like that with whom you could spend Valentine’s Day. That’s OK. If you have love to give, but feel like you have no one to give it to on Valentine’s Day, make it your day to do charitable work. If you look for opportunities to do some good in your community, you won’t have to look far. Surely there’s a soup kitchen, nursing home, church, or somewhere where whatever help you can provide would be much appreciated.
Or even expand the holiday beyond the human realm. If you’ve been thinking about getting a pet, Valentine’s Day could be a great time to rescue a dog or cat from an animal shelter. Maybe you’ll make a new friend, and give yourself something positive to associate with Valentine’s Day forever after.

Make the necessary changes so that you’re not alone next Valentine’s Day: If you are by yourself this Valentine’s Day, and you don’t like it and it’s bothering you, let that be your motivation to make constructive changes in your life to rectify that for the future.

Probably you can see to it that you’re no longer alone by lowering your standards, getting back yet again with your ex that you know is bad for you long term, etc., but that’s hardly a solution. Think in terms of what you can do of a more healthy, positive nature to not only increase your chances of ending up with someone by the next Valentine’s Day, but ending up with the right someone.

Maybe you need to take more initiative and get out of the house and socialize more to meet people. Or follow up with your friends who’ve said they’d like to introduce you to someone they’re confident you’d like. Or go on that singles cruise that’s been recommended to you. Or take steps to deal with your drinking problem that’s damaged your relationships in the past.

Go back to school. Take up an interesting hobby. Be more ambitious about working your way into a better job. In general, improve yourself so you’ll improve the quality of people you attract into your life, and maybe this will be your last Valentine’s Day alone.

Ignore the whole thing: Actually, being alone on Valentine’s Day is only a “problem” to be “solved” if you choose to perceive it as one. There are plenty of people who-despite the best efforts of greeting card manufacturers and florists-treat Valentine’s Day like any other day, and maybe aren’t even aware when it’s Valentine’s Day.

If you happen not to have a steady partner on Valentine’s Day, so what? Don’t let other people manipulate you into being miserable about it.  (Source: Philo Gabriel-voices.yahoo.com)

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